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| Beth Readling (around age 3) |
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make
as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along
without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there
the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and
I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
8. My reality check bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level,
then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
butt.
16. Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
the month than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.
21. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.
22. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
23. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
24. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he/she
is supposed to be doing.
25. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in
the email.
26. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are
really good, you will get out of it.
27. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by
your desk.
28. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
29. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
30. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.
31. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
32. Following the rules will not get the job done.
33. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
34. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger
handle this?"
35. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible
or everything that goes wrong.
